It used to be fun giving head - fun, loving, exciting and very enjoyable. But a blowjob for a porn educated 20 year old is frighteningly different to that of an innocent 40 year old. It might be hard to believe but porn is killing the blowjob, especially for Post-Millennials who may have never seen a single Playboy magazine but are likely to be viewing porn daily (that goes for guys and girls).

The Early Days of Internet Porn

Peter North (orgasm) face

The orgasm of Peter North sent me and my bff into fits of giggles. Later I imagined what it would be like to play the role of the woman in the scene.

I'm not a big consumer of porn, but I've seen, I think, a fair amount over my years. The first porn video I saw featured the long dicked, cum-shot extraodinaire Peter North. My friend and I crowded around her computer and watched slack-jawed as this man wanked his frighteningly large erect penis in front of his kneeling female co-star. We burst into conspiritorial giggles as he shot a lot of cum all over his co-star's breasts.

Later, I imagined myself in her role and could see how much fun it might be. I'm not sure who the actress was but I remember the interplay as they sucked and fucked - there was smiling, laughter - they were both having fun.

My friend had downloaded that video using Kazaa in the early 2000's. This was when the internet was really becoming publicly accessible by the masses. Kazaa was a P2P file sharing system that took the place of of Napster. This was the early days of internet porn.

Growth and Mutation

The internet and porn were made for each other. They fed each other like two massive fap-fuelled storms. Annonymity and free access allowed desires to be fed. Rather than sating appetites, this increased demand even harder-core content. The blowjob mutated.

About a decade after I saw my first pornographic video, an article from 2010 Let's Talk about Blowjobs describes the authors increasing discomfort about what she sees in porn. She talks about deepthroating and facefucking (nothing like what I saw ten years earlier). Blowjobs were changing from something a woman gave a man to something that happened to a woman.

Five years later, a study cited in this article from 2015 found that more than half (66%) of popular porn shows women being slapped. ******

Why this increase in violence towards women in porn?

Changing Tastes for Harder-core

Brain

Watch enough porn and it will start to affect your brain, changing your tastes and kinks.

This steady escalation of violence towards women in porn which includes choking; hair pulling; and face slapping; or more specifically the desire to see it, watch it, and masturbate to it is a natural eventuality. Watch enough porn and it will start to affect your sexual tastes.

When I imagine a young man's first time receiving a blowjob my stomach sinks with a feeling of hopelessness. I imagine him, after long exposure to high definition blowjob videos that make a blowjob seem like something you attack someone with, emulating this violent behavior with no other concept of what a blowjob might be.

Porn Consumption Mainstream

In 2013 the hollywood release Don Jon showing how much a part of our society porn consumption (to the point of addiction) has become. That same year, the BBC reported that teachers think students should be taught about the risks of pornography. I don't envy them that job - I can't imagine how I would ever teach a child how to deal with internet porn.

When I imagine a young woman's first time giving a blowjob, my heart breaks. I imagine her with a head full of scenarios she has seen in porn videos, so now she understands her role is to submissively endure a cock battering her mouth. Of course she should be sure to smile at the end.

She knows what to expect from porn she has accessed on her smartphone. According to this article on The Daily Dot, in 2015, a single porn website clocked an average of more than 600 million hours of porn watched from mobile devices daily. In a month, that's about 2 million years worth of constant mobile porn.

Porn Affecting Relationships

It may be fantasy, but to paraphrase Agnes Tremorne, "Say something enough and it becomes the truth." - Watch something enough and you start to believe it. "Normal" sex just doesn't measure up.

Watch Gary Wilson's TED talk on The Great Porn Experiment for an amazing introduction to how porn affects us as individuals.

Clinical psychologists John and Julie Gottman's Open Letter on Porn lists multiple ways porn is affecting our relationships.

How Porn is Killing Blowjobs

A blowjob should be an act of love. A blowjob in it's simple form is something a woman actively does for a man - she gives him a blowjob. A porn blowjob now seems to be something that happens to a woman - the man is actively fucking her mouth. It may also be depicted as something aggressive and hateful with abusive language and even physical violence.

In real life, blowjobs and sex and being forgotten. The brains of porn consumers are overloaded and they (we) no longer want real sex. The barrage of visual stimulation acts as a "super-stimuli" and normal stimuli - our partners - no longer appeal.

Porn is killing the blowjob. It's misrepresented in porn and it's being forgotten or abused in our relationships.If you are a young woman with a partner whose birds and bees education was internet porn, please know that at any time during any sexual encounter, you are allowed to say stop. Or slow down. Or hey, I don't like that - stop moving and let me do this. Don't endure sex or blowjobs, own them. Enjoy them. Sex and blowjobs should be fun, loving, and enjoyable.

Comments (2)

  • Bruce

    I watch porn and I still want to have sex with real women. There's no harm in porn.

  • Ryan

    Agreed. Porn has not removed my desire in having sex. If anything, it makes me appreciate it more. I find if you were to jump into sex without viewing much porn, it'd be far too overwhelming to wholeheartedly enjoy.

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